MA

When I was Small

Many times I asked you Mom,

From where had I come?

You then told me a story

Of how you fell in love with me.

One day you and Bapi decided to have a baby.

You went to the hospital

to have a look.

"Why", I asked.

"Well", you answered," Thats where God sends babies

For parents to come and choose".

As you walked down the baby room

Looking at all the babies

Swathed and snuggled,

Sleeping with an angelic look,

There was this one baby,

Just refusing to sleep,

Kicking and crying,

Causing the nurses to get angry.

You took one one look

And there, she had you hooked.

For some days

You had to stay in the hospital

Learning to nurse and care.

All the nurses would be angry at you

For choosing a baby

Dark and curly.

Demanding and crying

And spoiling everyone's sleep.

You would feel guilty,

For sure the baby kept everyone busy.

But nothing mattered,

You loved me.

Ma , how I loved this story.

Ma I remember you

Pretty and young,

In the photograph

Where you are holding me

To face the camera-

Your laughing face,

Your hair lose,

Looking radiant and fresh from

Your bath.

And me-

Trying to stand

On your lap,

With chubby legs,

bewildered face,

In a white frock

And no panty.

I remember you Ma

Reading out to me the epics

As I lay beside you.

I remember you Ma

In a simple deep green sari that you wore

For Bhai's first party.

In school when you went to visit

Every one said that

My mother was very pretty.

I loved to sleep between you and Bapi

I loved to hold you

And snuggle up to your

Soft body.

Ma! Ma! Ma!

As I grew I hated you to be angry.

I hated when you forced me to

Clean cupboards and Knit mufflers

Just to keep me busy.

I hated your fastidiousness and strict face.

I began to hate my studies.

That made Bapi and you more angry.

I felt you loved

Bhai more than me.

Slowly I felt distanced

From you.

I couldn't communicate and share.

My thoughts were my own.

I soared with dreams that took me

Beyond the limits of the sky.

I would sit quietly for hours

In my own world of dreams.

You couldn't understand.

I wouldn't smile or talk.

Between us there was a rock.

I was growing to be myself.

I could't be what you wanted me to be.

I was good out side

And naughty inside.

It hurt that Bapi and you couldn't

Be my friends.

In school

How I made every one laugh!

Ma do you know

The number of times

I have dreamt at night

Of you two back to taking care of

Bhai and me at Phuguri?

We used to be so happy!

I don't want you both to be old.

It is scaring to think that

One day you won't be there,

That one day I won't hear

Your voice on the phone,

And suddenly one day-

We won't have to worry for you.

I see both of you

Thinning day by day.

For you the Cancer

And for Bapi ,

Your slow cancerous ebb.

Both Bhai and me-

We do what we have to do.

We immerse ourselves

In our lives

Trying to forget

The fear and pain of losing you.

We love you.